Being a Science Project

Well, I start radiation on Tuesday.  I go every day for 6 weeks.  That seems like a long time.  I'm not looking forward to it.

About a week ago I went for the "simulation". This is the appointment where they measured everything to get set up for radiation. I need to be in the exact same position each time. So how do they make sure that happens?

First, they made a mold of my upper body for me to lie in. Making the mold was actually kind of cool. Initially it was just a flat piece of plastic with something inside - similar to a pillowcase. Suddenly it started expanding all around me and turned cozy warm. Eventually it hardened into a styrofoam-like substance.

The appointment went on. The technicians (there were 4 roaming around) removed the mold and then started fussing with me. I was not allowed to move - AT ALL (hilariously they told me I WAS allowed to breathe!  Oh good!)  They put tape on my chest. Then they checked the lasers and drew all over me with a magic marker. The whole time I had my head turned toward the wall and couldn't really see what they were doing.  I felt like some mad scientists were experimenting on me. It seemed so dehumanizing and degrading.  Tears rolled down my face but since I had my head turned, they dripped all down one side and dried on only one cheek.  The mad scientists either did not notice or ignored me which made it all the worse.

They measured the height of the bed and its exact position under the lasers. Eventually they were satisfied. Then came the last step: the tatoos!  The technician told me what she was doing but I still felt like a piece of meat. She does this so often that I'm not even sure she would recognize me in the hospital halls! Oh well, who can blame her?

By the way, the tatoos look like small black dots - a bit like dirt.  Ha, should be pretty with V-neck T-shirts and bathing suits.