I had the appointment today. Everything is going well. We got details on the pathology report. They removed 17 lymph nodes, only 2 of which had cancer (which means it probably hasn't spread far). The margins the surgeon removed around the tumor were clear which means they got all of the cancer out. Next it's on to chemotherapy! I have an appointment with an oncologist on October 15th.
The huge bummer is that they refused to remove the drain! Aaak! The drain wins round 2 after all!!! There's still too much fluid leaking out. Apparently I have been too active and not resting enough. I have been doing the exercises they recommended and have almost full range of motion of my arm back. So I've been doing my normal things - loading dishwasher, etc. I could even shave under my arm if I had an electric razor! They were pleased with the range of motion but the drain must stay in. Once the fluid reduces to 30 ml per day, I need to call them and make an appointment to come back in to the city to have it removed. That will probably be next week! So totally inconvenient and depressing. Even with all of the other good news I can't help but be down.
For my coworkers, the surgeon wants me to stay out through next week. After that she said it's up to the oncologist to clear me for work. But since I won't see the oncologist til 10/15, I think I will just plan to be in the office starting 10/11, unless someone tells me otherwise.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Appointment Change
Hi everyone, my post-operation appointment with the surgeon has been rescheduled to tomorrow (Tuesday, 9/28) at 10:30 am. I will hear all about the pathology report, start coordinating with an oncologist and find out what's going on with chemo.
I will post an update tomorrow night to let you know about the nuggets of info I've collected.
The best news is that the drain will come out!!! Ha, ha, it tried really hard to freak me out but I won in the end. Tonight my mom and I are laughing about the most recent grossness it dished out (aka, the drain's "last hurrah") and I am NOT freaked out. So there, you dumb drain!
I will post an update tomorrow night to let you know about the nuggets of info I've collected.
The best news is that the drain will come out!!! Ha, ha, it tried really hard to freak me out but I won in the end. Tonight my mom and I are laughing about the most recent grossness it dished out (aka, the drain's "last hurrah") and I am NOT freaked out. So there, you dumb drain!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
1 Week Anniversay
It's been a week since the surgery and I'm doing MUCH better. The pain is now localized to just the left side of my chest and left arm and it's not intolerable. I've downgraded to Tylenol so that's a good sign!
An even bigger development is the fact that I finally looked at the "site". Very interesting experience. I didn't actually mean to but I caught a glimpse in the mirror after a shower and I just looked. It's not as gross and hideous as I imagined so I'm glad I did it.
Yes, there are some nasty, spider-web looking sutures. I wonder why they feel they need to use BLACK thread (or whatever it is)? Maybe to be able to see what they've done? I must say the sewing looks pretty professional and straight, though. I know I have a good surgeon.
Then there's the cavern going through the left side of my breast. Also kind of creepy looking but it is what it is. You don't have a tumor and lymph nodes removed without have some kind of hole to show for it. Supposedly it will "fill out" a bit but if I want it to look natural, I need reconstruction. Ha, do they really think I will put myself through this again voluntarily? Not a chance. I will stuff my bra with cotton balls the rest of my life to avoid going through another surgery!
Not to be neglected is the drain hanging out of the site. Yes, a big plastic tube with a bulb at the end constantly filling with gross things that I won't describe. I have heard that is hurts when they take the drain out, similar to when a band aid gets ripped off. I'm considering using my last valium for the procedure, just in case.
Rounding out the scenery is the fact that I haven't shaved under my arm for over a week. I don't think that's happened since I was 12. I'm curious to see how it looks in another week. I'm not allowed to use a regular razor anymore because of the chance of nicks and infection. So I need to buy an electric razor but first I need to be able to lift my arm!
All in all, things are much better. In another week the drain will be removed and hopefully I'll be feeling almost back to normal. Just in time to start chemotherapy!
An even bigger development is the fact that I finally looked at the "site". Very interesting experience. I didn't actually mean to but I caught a glimpse in the mirror after a shower and I just looked. It's not as gross and hideous as I imagined so I'm glad I did it.
Yes, there are some nasty, spider-web looking sutures. I wonder why they feel they need to use BLACK thread (or whatever it is)? Maybe to be able to see what they've done? I must say the sewing looks pretty professional and straight, though. I know I have a good surgeon.
Then there's the cavern going through the left side of my breast. Also kind of creepy looking but it is what it is. You don't have a tumor and lymph nodes removed without have some kind of hole to show for it. Supposedly it will "fill out" a bit but if I want it to look natural, I need reconstruction. Ha, do they really think I will put myself through this again voluntarily? Not a chance. I will stuff my bra with cotton balls the rest of my life to avoid going through another surgery!
Not to be neglected is the drain hanging out of the site. Yes, a big plastic tube with a bulb at the end constantly filling with gross things that I won't describe. I have heard that is hurts when they take the drain out, similar to when a band aid gets ripped off. I'm considering using my last valium for the procedure, just in case.
Rounding out the scenery is the fact that I haven't shaved under my arm for over a week. I don't think that's happened since I was 12. I'm curious to see how it looks in another week. I'm not allowed to use a regular razor anymore because of the chance of nicks and infection. So I need to buy an electric razor but first I need to be able to lift my arm!
All in all, things are much better. In another week the drain will be removed and hopefully I'll be feeling almost back to normal. Just in time to start chemotherapy!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Ow Ow Ow.
Pain, pain, pain.
Crying, crying, crying.
Everything has been downhill since Friday. I think the euphoria of having the surgery behind me kept me floating on a bubble for a while. Then the rest of the anesthesia wore off in the middle of night and I felt horrible on Saturday. I'm feeling a tiny bit better every day but not as great as on Friday. Every morning I feel like I've been in a traffic accident.
Yesterday I took my first shower. That was traumatic. I know I have a big crater in my left breast where the tumor was and all kinds of sutures under my arm. But I have refused to look. David and Mom have been changing my bandages. So I was bawling in the shower, not wanting to touch anything. David told me I could probably just let water drip on the wounds and that would be good enough. So that's what I did. If that was wrong, don't tell me.
I know I should be thankful because it all could've been so much worse. I could've needed a mastectomy, or two, and what I'm going through is nothing compared to what others have to survive. But it's still hard not to feel horrible and depressed and generally very sorry for myself.
Crying, crying, crying.
Everything has been downhill since Friday. I think the euphoria of having the surgery behind me kept me floating on a bubble for a while. Then the rest of the anesthesia wore off in the middle of night and I felt horrible on Saturday. I'm feeling a tiny bit better every day but not as great as on Friday. Every morning I feel like I've been in a traffic accident.
Yesterday I took my first shower. That was traumatic. I know I have a big crater in my left breast where the tumor was and all kinds of sutures under my arm. But I have refused to look. David and Mom have been changing my bandages. So I was bawling in the shower, not wanting to touch anything. David told me I could probably just let water drip on the wounds and that would be good enough. So that's what I did. If that was wrong, don't tell me.
I know I should be thankful because it all could've been so much worse. I could've needed a mastectomy, or two, and what I'm going through is nothing compared to what others have to survive. But it's still hard not to feel horrible and depressed and generally very sorry for myself.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Surgery Recap - Drugs Are Our Friends!
Hi guys, it's Heidi. I'm up and feeling reasonably well. I don't think the anesthesia has totally worn off yet and so I'm expecting pain to get worse before better. Thought I'd update the blog before that happens.
Well, here's the whole story for those who are interested.
We arrived promptly at 8:30 and I barely had time to take my valium before being whisked off to a private preparation room. I must say Sloan Kettering has gorgeous facilities. You never really see another patient. I had the IV inserted, put my clothes into a garment bag and then David and Mom were allowed to come in.
THEN, the part I had been dreading: inserting the wire. We walked to the mammogram facilities and they told me they'd be using an ultrasound to insert the wire directly into the tumor. HUH? That's not what I was told. The surgeon told me she wanted a wire pointing to the titanium chip they left in me where the benign tumor was. I told them that. "Well, we always insert a wire into the tumor so that must be what she meant." Hm. Well, here's the lesson folks: Always be your own health care advocate and pay attention to who tells you what. But what am I going to do, argue and not let them do it?
So I have the ultrasound and they use my buddy litocane as the anesthetic. I told them I had a bad reaction the last 3 times it was used on me and they said based on the symptoms (sharp stabbing needles being jabbed into me for 20 or more minutes) it does not sound like an allergy. Just "sensitive" nerves (aren't nerves supposed to be sensitive??). Besides, they have nothing else to use. So it looks like what I was dreading the most was happening. But, maybe the valium made my nerves less sensitive. In any event it was not unbearably painful. Next I need a mammogram showing the wire from several angles to guide the surgeon directly to the tumor.
The procedure is done and they bring me back to Mom and David. Next thing I know, they call me in again. They had spoken to my surgeon AND I WAS RIGHT! She did want a wire to the titanium chip. HA! I knew what I was saying after all. I'm feeling quite self-righteous until they tell me that the 2nd wire must be inserted via a mammogram b/c the chip is too small to be seen via ultrasound.
MAN ALERT: Don't read unless you want to read about smashed boobs. So they smash me in the mammogram machine (with the other wire blowing around in the breeze), give me more litocane, and start sticking the needle/wire in. This one was more painful and I could feel the whole thing being inserted. So gross! Naturally they have to take pictures from all angles, so there is more smashing and now two wires blowing in the breeze. Finally I get all wrapped up and am released. I'm hoping it's all downhill from here.
MAN ALERT OVER. We get to go back to nice private room with 1.5 hours to go til surgery. I forgot how much fun "Price is Right" is to watch! Drew Carey does a good job although he's not Bob Barker and he probably hasn't donated a used ship to a bunch of incompetent whale protectors trying to prevent whaling in the Artic Ocean (see Whale Wars on Animal Planet). Just FYI, I'm anti-whaling but the Sea Shepherds have done almost nothing to stop it. They look good in all of their matching gear, though. But I digress.
I finally get rolled to surgery where they tuck me into a nice, heated operating bed. They put a "boot" on my left leg that gently massages it to keep blood flowing during surgery. This is all quite cozy! All the people in the OR are friendly women. Next they put a "boot" on the other leg except this one is to take my blood pressure. It becomes VERY tight and I ask if anyone has every had their leg explode because of it. They say, "Not that we're aware of". I guess they don't know my sense of humor.
I never even noticed the anesthesiologist come in. No one said, "Ok, let's get started." The next thing I know, someone asks me my level of pain. What? I haven't even been awake so I just say 5. She pops a pill in my mouth and I go back to sleep. Later she asks me again what my level of pain is. I say 4 (making it up). Then she asks if my family can come in. I ask what time it is, how long the surgery was, how long I've been asleep. It's been 5 hours! Poor Mom and David have been waiting this whole time instead of the 1.5 hours we were initially promised.
So, they arrive and we get the instructions for cleaning drains, doing arm exercises, none of which I pay attention to until they get to the drugs. I get to take percocet every 4 hours as long as I need it or until the 30 pills run out! And then we get the hell out of there!
So that was my surgery experience. Moral of the story, know what procedures you're supposed to have and by all means, TAKE WHATEVER DRUGS YOU CAN GET!
Well, here's the whole story for those who are interested.
We arrived promptly at 8:30 and I barely had time to take my valium before being whisked off to a private preparation room. I must say Sloan Kettering has gorgeous facilities. You never really see another patient. I had the IV inserted, put my clothes into a garment bag and then David and Mom were allowed to come in.
THEN, the part I had been dreading: inserting the wire. We walked to the mammogram facilities and they told me they'd be using an ultrasound to insert the wire directly into the tumor. HUH? That's not what I was told. The surgeon told me she wanted a wire pointing to the titanium chip they left in me where the benign tumor was. I told them that. "Well, we always insert a wire into the tumor so that must be what she meant." Hm. Well, here's the lesson folks: Always be your own health care advocate and pay attention to who tells you what. But what am I going to do, argue and not let them do it?
So I have the ultrasound and they use my buddy litocane as the anesthetic. I told them I had a bad reaction the last 3 times it was used on me and they said based on the symptoms (sharp stabbing needles being jabbed into me for 20 or more minutes) it does not sound like an allergy. Just "sensitive" nerves (aren't nerves supposed to be sensitive??). Besides, they have nothing else to use. So it looks like what I was dreading the most was happening. But, maybe the valium made my nerves less sensitive. In any event it was not unbearably painful. Next I need a mammogram showing the wire from several angles to guide the surgeon directly to the tumor.
The procedure is done and they bring me back to Mom and David. Next thing I know, they call me in again. They had spoken to my surgeon AND I WAS RIGHT! She did want a wire to the titanium chip. HA! I knew what I was saying after all. I'm feeling quite self-righteous until they tell me that the 2nd wire must be inserted via a mammogram b/c the chip is too small to be seen via ultrasound.
MAN ALERT: Don't read unless you want to read about smashed boobs. So they smash me in the mammogram machine (with the other wire blowing around in the breeze), give me more litocane, and start sticking the needle/wire in. This one was more painful and I could feel the whole thing being inserted. So gross! Naturally they have to take pictures from all angles, so there is more smashing and now two wires blowing in the breeze. Finally I get all wrapped up and am released. I'm hoping it's all downhill from here.
MAN ALERT OVER. We get to go back to nice private room with 1.5 hours to go til surgery. I forgot how much fun "Price is Right" is to watch! Drew Carey does a good job although he's not Bob Barker and he probably hasn't donated a used ship to a bunch of incompetent whale protectors trying to prevent whaling in the Artic Ocean (see Whale Wars on Animal Planet). Just FYI, I'm anti-whaling but the Sea Shepherds have done almost nothing to stop it. They look good in all of their matching gear, though. But I digress.
I finally get rolled to surgery where they tuck me into a nice, heated operating bed. They put a "boot" on my left leg that gently massages it to keep blood flowing during surgery. This is all quite cozy! All the people in the OR are friendly women. Next they put a "boot" on the other leg except this one is to take my blood pressure. It becomes VERY tight and I ask if anyone has every had their leg explode because of it. They say, "Not that we're aware of". I guess they don't know my sense of humor.
I never even noticed the anesthesiologist come in. No one said, "Ok, let's get started." The next thing I know, someone asks me my level of pain. What? I haven't even been awake so I just say 5. She pops a pill in my mouth and I go back to sleep. Later she asks me again what my level of pain is. I say 4 (making it up). Then she asks if my family can come in. I ask what time it is, how long the surgery was, how long I've been asleep. It's been 5 hours! Poor Mom and David have been waiting this whole time instead of the 1.5 hours we were initially promised.
So, they arrive and we get the instructions for cleaning drains, doing arm exercises, none of which I pay attention to until they get to the drugs. I get to take percocet every 4 hours as long as I need it or until the 30 pills run out! And then we get the hell out of there!
So that was my surgery experience. Moral of the story, know what procedures you're supposed to have and by all means, TAKE WHATEVER DRUGS YOU CAN GET!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
surgery update
Hi, this is David. I want everyone to know Heidi is fine.
Heidi was very brave and in reasonably good spirits before it all. I'm very proud of her.
Afterwords, the surgeon told us everything went very well. We're at home now and Heidi wants to watch the season finale of "Top Chef". Thank god for Percoset!
I'll let her fill you in on any further details.
Thanks everyone for all of your support, I know it means a lot to her!
David
Heidi was very brave and in reasonably good spirits before it all. I'm very proud of her.
Afterwords, the surgeon told us everything went very well. We're at home now and Heidi wants to watch the season finale of "Top Chef". Thank god for Percoset!
I'll let her fill you in on any further details.
Thanks everyone for all of your support, I know it means a lot to her!
David
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Surgery Tomorrow!
Yahoo! The day is almost here! Ok, obvious sarcasm but I am a bit looking forward to getting phase 1 of the breast cancer battle over. Clearly I will win.
Everyone has been asking: The needle localization is at 10 am. This is where they insert a thin wire which will point to exactly where the small, benign tumor was. The surgeon wants to remove some of the surrounding tissue. Since it's so incredibly small, she needs a wire to follow to find it. The wire will be inserted during a mammogram. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? I'm relying on one of my 3 prescribed valium pills to get me through this.
The actual lumpectomy is at noon. With nothing else, it would last a mere 20 minutes. But they are also removing lymph nodes so that will take up another 25 minutes or so. The whole procedure should last about an hour. I will be under anesthesia so I don't need to use up one of my precious valium pills for this one.
David is going to try to post to the blog from the hospital with updates. However, if you should happen to read some weird, crazy entries, they've probably been posted by me under the influence of heavy narcotics. Just ignore. If the emails make sense, they are from David.
Ok, I'm getting ready to try to relax with my family. I will use one of the valiums tonight to sleep. That leaves one left over for emergencies, like if I have to wait too long for surgery and I start to feel normal.
I can't say this enough, but thank you to all for the calls, emails and prayers. Between work and the kids starting a new school (and getting on the wrong bus and having to pay for lunch) I haven't had the chance to respond. But I have read them all and appreciate each and every one of them and YOU, my awesome friends and family!
Everyone has been asking: The needle localization is at 10 am. This is where they insert a thin wire which will point to exactly where the small, benign tumor was. The surgeon wants to remove some of the surrounding tissue. Since it's so incredibly small, she needs a wire to follow to find it. The wire will be inserted during a mammogram. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? I'm relying on one of my 3 prescribed valium pills to get me through this.
The actual lumpectomy is at noon. With nothing else, it would last a mere 20 minutes. But they are also removing lymph nodes so that will take up another 25 minutes or so. The whole procedure should last about an hour. I will be under anesthesia so I don't need to use up one of my precious valium pills for this one.
David is going to try to post to the blog from the hospital with updates. However, if you should happen to read some weird, crazy entries, they've probably been posted by me under the influence of heavy narcotics. Just ignore. If the emails make sense, they are from David.
Ok, I'm getting ready to try to relax with my family. I will use one of the valiums tonight to sleep. That leaves one left over for emergencies, like if I have to wait too long for surgery and I start to feel normal.
I can't say this enough, but thank you to all for the calls, emails and prayers. Between work and the kids starting a new school (and getting on the wrong bus and having to pay for lunch) I haven't had the chance to respond. But I have read them all and appreciate each and every one of them and YOU, my awesome friends and family!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Nothing New
Just feeling very anxious!! The closer next Thursday (9/16) comes, the more I'm getting freaked out! I'm surprised by how calm I am at work. But it really helps to try to focus on getting things done and still trying to hit deadlines.
Still, I'm starting to feel very nervous. I know I will be fine, eventually.
As an aside, I must say that I LOVE Practical Law Company! Every day I wake up wanting to go to work and that's an unusual situation. I'm so excited to try to get my resources published through all of this. I will try to do whatever I can to stay current!
Thank you to all of my coworkers for evertythig you've done. I'm so lucky!!!
Still, I'm starting to feel very nervous. I know I will be fine, eventually.
As an aside, I must say that I LOVE Practical Law Company! Every day I wake up wanting to go to work and that's an unusual situation. I'm so excited to try to get my resources published through all of this. I will try to do whatever I can to stay current!
Thank you to all of my coworkers for evertythig you've done. I'm so lucky!!!
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