Round 3 progresses

Not much to report except that I feel bad, as expected. Nauseous and tired and grumpy. Yelling at the poor kids too much. Terrible! 

I had a nice visit with Jex (my sis)!  We had a lot of fun together - that was the highlight!

Looking forward to Thursday when I should finally feel better.  I know tomorrow will be the worst so I just need to get through it.

A little bit of bronchitis never hurt anyone

Last night I woke up coughing, coughing. This morning my chest hurt and I kept coughing. "Out of an abundance of caution" (as we lawyers like to say) I stayed home and called my oncologist. Normally I ignore signs of sickness until I'm on my death bed but I'm learning the lessons of this dance with cancer. I don't want to take any chances and it's always better to deal with things before they get too bad.

My oncologist ordered a chest x-ray. Turns out I now have bronchitis. She gave me antibiotics and sent me on my way until Thursday.  That's the day of my round 3. If I don't feel better by tomorrow (she gave me some strong stuff), I'm supposed to come back.

Looking forward to having my sis Jexy-Wex with me during this next round!!

The Hair Saga Continues...

First of all, I feel much better. On Thursday I realized I had gone the whole day without feeling nauseous. I'm still tired all the time but that's not too bad. It could be worse, as we all know.

Meanwhile there have been a great deal of hair developments. Mom left on Monday and wanted to take some of my hair with her. She's going to try to get it on a hat or something so I have some of my real hair to wear once in a while. If she can pull it off, she might as well go into wig-making. I don't know what's she's going to try, exactly, but she's a crafty lady so I'm quite intrigued.

I managed to rally myself from the bed long enough for her and David to shave my head. At first I cried a few tears but very soon it became apparent that I looked like Demi Moore in GI Jane (maybe not quite so pretty). Which made me remember that our military folks go through this a lot, too. It's really no big deal. Plus David and Mom managed to convince me that I have a "cute" head. It's just that no one knew until now because I have/had so much hair.

So then I tried on the wig. It looked horrible!  Hair sticking straight out and no matter what we did, we couldn't get it to lie flat!  David rushed out of the room so he wouldn't show how horrified he was - I knew right away that's what he was doing.  Mom and I kept trying - "it looked so good at the hairdresser's..."  FINALLY I realized that I had put it on upside down!  Sheesh, what a goofball!  I put it on correctly and VOILA!  Gorgeous!

So the new profile picture shows me with the wig on the right way (but with no makeup and feeling about to throw up).  It also shows David wearing a hat with some hair attached that I also received from a friend.  It's good for when you're rushing out to the grocery.  Doesn't he look cute?  That and the black eye (from an incident at his ultimate frisbee game) make him look like a perfect candidate for an episode of Ice Road Truckers.  I'm just saying.

On Tuesday I got ready for work. We were rushing around as usual and I put the wig on right before we headed out.  I asked Max and Leo, "How do I look?"  Max: "WEELLL, just a little bit ugly."  Me: "What?  That's not too nice to say."  Leo: "Well, Mom, just a teensy, weensy bit ugly." I couldn't help but feel a bit self-conscious after that but I chalk their comments up to the fact that they're just 8 and 6. I do look a lot different with the wig.

So I went to work and the wig received many compliments. Some people thought I had just changed my hairstyle.  But the wig itched.  Wednesday it itched more.  I couldn't wait to get home to take it off.  I have about .5 inches of stubble all over my head and I think that's what causes the itching.  I kept scratching and then had a brilliant idea - TAPE!!!!  I wrapped some around my hand and started patting my head - plenty of hair came off and it felt so good!  Guess who got involved?  The boys!  Next thing I know my head is covered with pieces of packing tape (nice and sticky) and Max and Leo are pulling, pulling hair out.  It felt fabulous.  When it was time to go to bed, Leo begged David to "leave some for me for tomorrow"! I still have a lot of stubble and debating another tape party for tomorrow night.

Who knew the side effects of cancer could be so fun???

The Last Bastion of Normalcy has succumbed...

Well, my hair has given up its fight. It is falling out in clumps. Today is the day that it will get shaved off, if I can get out of bed. My hair and I just can't get the energy up to fight the chemo drugs any more.

I'm actually kind of looking forward to shaving it because my scalp hurts. 

They said the chemo effects are cumulative and they are right. It is much harder this time. I can't imagine how much worse it will get during the next treatments. The exhaustion is overwhelming. All I can do is lie around in a big pile of misery. I don't really even sleep much because the drugs prevent good rest.

And I hate the dumb port because 1) I hate all creepy medical things; 2) it itches like crazy (I guess b/c it's healing?); and 3) I can feel it when I lie on my side in bed and it feels like I have a piece of uncomfortable metal sticking me in the chest.

I am cranky and can't think of anything fun or good to look forward to.

I'm sure I will start to feel better in a few days and this will pass but it's a tough cycle to go through every two weeks.

Sheesh, I am a giant crankball, aren't I?  I bet my poor coworkers dread my return.  I was a nightmare of discontent last week...

Chemo Round 2

Well, I'm dealing with the side effects of Round 2.  This time is harder than last.  I'm more tired and nauseous and all the other stuff. 

I thought I could get a bunch of work done yesterday (the day that I'm supposed to feel the best) but there was no way. The steroids make my head feel hot and feverish and thinking didn't seem like a worthwhile effort.

My hair is hanging in there. David compared me to Samson - my hair is my strength.  Hee, hee.  It, at least, is refusing to be affected by chemo.  Actually today there seem to be more strands that come out when I pull but that could also be because I haven't showered since the port was put in (not allowed).

Today I go to the hair dresser to have my wig styled for me. Should be fun.  Many thanks to Wendy for giving me her gorgeous wig!  I will have somewhat redder hair that's STRAIGHT for the next few months. I've always wanted straight hair that looks perfect at all times - total bonus of wearing a wig!

My anger has subsided. I think it's because I'm too tired to be mad.  It takes energy to be angry. Maybe it will come back when I'm feeling better.

The Port is In

Well, I had the surgery yesterday to have the port inserted.  All went well and it's in but I have a bunch of bandages and it hurts.  I'm not happy about that.  I'm annoyed with being in pain all the time.  It is making me very crabby.

Today is the second round of chemo. Mom is coming with me. I'm curious to see how it all goes with this sore port! 

Also, I'm expecting to lose my hair tonight or tomorrow.  A friend told me that she started losing hers the night of her second treatment. So far my hair seems to be its normal self, though. Not much action up there.  I have a wig ready to go. As soon as I lose large amounts of hair David and I are going to shave the rest off.  I'm kind of looking forward to having my hair look perfect for once. That's the silver lining about wearing a wig!

I'm still mad about having cancer!  I hate everyone and everything (except all of you!) and I'm very annoyed. I will get over it.  There are probably some "stages" of having cancer (as there are stages of grief) and I'm sure anger is one of them. So I'm in that stage right now.  I guess I'd say my stages so far have been: shock, acceptance, anger.  Wonder what's left and what's next?

And no, I haven't read any cancer books, or books about how to deal/live with cancer, or tips on surviving breast cancer.  Having it is bad enough, I just don't want to read about it, too.

Thanks to all for the gifts, cards, candies/chocolates, food, flowers, etc.  One of these days I will get around to writing thank you cards!  Meanwhile please know that I am so thankful to have such great friends and family who care about me so much. That's one of the main things that's helping me along...