Well, my hair has given up its fight. It is falling out in clumps. Today is the day that it will get shaved off, if I can get out of bed. My hair and I just can't get the energy up to fight the chemo drugs any more.
I'm actually kind of looking forward to shaving it because my scalp hurts.
They said the chemo effects are cumulative and they are right. It is much harder this time. I can't imagine how much worse it will get during the next treatments. The exhaustion is overwhelming. All I can do is lie around in a big pile of misery. I don't really even sleep much because the drugs prevent good rest.
And I hate the dumb port because 1) I hate all creepy medical things; 2) it itches like crazy (I guess b/c it's healing?); and 3) I can feel it when I lie on my side in bed and it feels like I have a piece of uncomfortable metal sticking me in the chest.
I am cranky and can't think of anything fun or good to look forward to.
I'm sure I will start to feel better in a few days and this will pass but it's a tough cycle to go through every two weeks.
Sheesh, I am a giant crankball, aren't I? I bet my poor coworkers dread my return. I was a nightmare of discontent last week...
I think you are amazing. I am Jess's neighbor and I am just inspired and uplifted by your honesty and bravery! I have knitted up a Fedora for you to wear if you like and it continues to be showered in prayers for you and your family. Stay strong as I have told my mom who also has battled cancer it can never take away your core being or beauty!
ReplyDeleteExtreme weakness--that's what I expected, tho I know little about it. Just stands to reason when those strong chemicals are working away in your body they'd sap your strength. I suppose it's all part of the whole miserable picture--but actually a "blessing in disguise" if it will eventually get you back to good health. Let's keep hoping & praying!
ReplyDeleteAmen - I agree with C (whoever she is) that it will eventually get u back to good health.
ReplyDeleteCranky is ok
Dear Heidi,
ReplyDeleteSometimes you may think of yourself as a weakling, but just getting through all this (and you are getting through it, bit by bit) proves that you have amazing strength. We love you Wonder Woman!
Aunt Judy
PS: "C" is Grammy in disguise.
Ach Heidi, man kann dich nur bewundern. Wenn du dich elend fühlst bleibe liegen. Das ist doch ok.Chemotherapie ist hart. Wenn du wütend bist, sei wütend, vielleicht hilft es dir.Die Gedanken - warum ich? - hat glaube ich jeder, der Krebs hat, auch die ohne Chemotherapie. Wir wünschen dir Kraft und gebe die Hoffnung nicht auf. Viele liebe Grüße auch von Oma. Ich lese ihr immer vor, was du geschrieben hast.
ReplyDeleteAlles Gute Christel
Grüße auch an David, Max und Leo