Pain, pain, pain.
Crying, crying, crying.
Everything has been downhill since Friday. I think the euphoria of having the surgery behind me kept me floating on a bubble for a while. Then the rest of the anesthesia wore off in the middle of night and I felt horrible on Saturday. I'm feeling a tiny bit better every day but not as great as on Friday. Every morning I feel like I've been in a traffic accident.
Yesterday I took my first shower. That was traumatic. I know I have a big crater in my left breast where the tumor was and all kinds of sutures under my arm. But I have refused to look. David and Mom have been changing my bandages. So I was bawling in the shower, not wanting to touch anything. David told me I could probably just let water drip on the wounds and that would be good enough. So that's what I did. If that was wrong, don't tell me.
I know I should be thankful because it all could've been so much worse. I could've needed a mastectomy, or two, and what I'm going through is nothing compared to what others have to survive. But it's still hard not to feel horrible and depressed and generally very sorry for myself.
Yikes, Heidi, if I had a big chunk taken out of my tit I would feel like crap too. Don't feel like you have to qualify your feelings -- you are going through something incredibly traumatic and being extremely brave. I just hope you feel better soon. Is the percocet helping at all?
ReplyDeleteOh, Heidi, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Thoughts and prayers winging your way. I'll be away for the next 10 days, but will check in this blog as soon as I return. I hope by then you will be feeling much, much better. Hang in there, babe...and bawl all you want to!
ReplyDeleteHi Heidi-haven't spoken to u but have kept in touch with David and know u r in good hands. Think about u constantly and do not worry about crying-between David, your mom & dad u have big shoulders to cry on! Hopefully, the pain will subside soon, if not just pop those pills! You have not lost your great sense of humor - like being able to read the blog and updates. Love from all of us - we r not calling since we don't want to bother anyone - u have enough to handle. xxooo, B
ReplyDeleteAch, Heidi! Hoffentlich geht es Dir wieder besser. Vielen geht es nach einer Operation so wie Dir. Auch ich habe nach einer einfachen Bauchspiegelung viel geweint und fühlte mich verlassen und allein. Obwohl ich das nicht war. Gute Besserung Angela
ReplyDeleteOk I think I would love Sarah. And, I love that your posts are so authentic. Thanks for the address card (which is beautiful by the way).
ReplyDeleteHmmm let's see if I can find some drugs to take in your honor. Crap. Children's zyrtec is all I have... guess I'll pray instead.
Love.
Hi Heidi,
ReplyDeleteI've just got your blog address from Karin and read your posts - I have been praying for you and your family ever since I heard. I can't believe this has happened to you. I'm glad you parents are there to help you and that David is able to work from home so that you and your 2 little boys are well taken care of in the midst of all this. Cancer is so horrible and the "treatment" for it seems even worse. I'll keep praying for you. To say "hang in there" or "get well soon" just doesn't cut it, does it? I'm so thankful we have a Savior who is Mighty to save...What a great resource you have with your dad being a minister to show you in a very real and personal way that Jesus saves, his Holy Spirit Comforts, and God loves us more than we can ever know or imagine. -Susan Ambrosini
Allerbeste Heidi - alles Gute, heute ist Mittwoch, fast eine Woche nach Tag Zero ... ich hoffe von Herzen, dass es dir schon wieder etwas besser geht! Erhol dich gut und gute Besserung, ich denke an dich!!! Irmgard
ReplyDeleteHi Heidi, you are sooooo brave!! Reuben and I were talking about you guys the other day and reminiscing about our day out at the NY Botanical gardens. It was lovely talking and thinking about a happy time :)
ReplyDeleteWe remember you (David & the boys) in our prayers all the time my friend.
God bless, you're such an inspiration!!
Love & (gentle) hug
I xoxox
*German stuff, German stuff, German stuff*
ReplyDelete(I just wanted to fit in.)
HEIDI!!! I am against pain and crying, and I HATE to see that you're grappling with both. I miss you at work. It's not nearly as fun to yell at Gina - she never does anything irritating! :-) GET WELL!!!! Kate